Off the Beaten Path

Not sure where to begin with this joint. Let's just say, when I'm in the market for a hat, I make damn well sure it's got a removeable tail.

Scanland #2

How does one enjoy a fresh snowstorm? Pull a suitcase behind a pickup, duh.



From the vaults, impromptu family portrait.

Early 5th Dimensional Turkey Day

I was driving around town, picking up some groceries for our scrumptious little family Thanksgiving meal, when it hit me:

"I like stuffing, I like cranberry sauce, I like mashed potatoes, I really like Egg Nog, pumpkin pie is nothing to mess around with, and quite frankly, whipped cream straight from the kekekeoowowowowiwowkwke spray can is the best."

Sure, the homemade variety from heavy whipping cream and whatnot is utterly delicious. But not on Thanksgiving; that's when I want to hear the kekeooowowowowwoiwkwe, tilt my head back, fill my mouth and lungs with whipped delight, smile at the nearest passerby, and milk the sweet head rush from escaping CO2 molecules.

Food is a funny thing. It's not only essential to life, the older I get, the more I think it's essential to happiness and the strength of our cosmic essence. That doesn't mean we all have to eat the same thing, or that it all must be organic, even healthy for that matter. Being in tune to what tastes good and feels good is what's important - but then there are meals like Thanksgiving, complete and absolute anomalies in the eating world.

I find joy . . . . no, intrigue and adventure, in trying new foods. New combinations of tastes, smells, textures, colors and shapes are the spice of variety, or the variety of life, or the life of spice - I'm not sure where the ménage à trois of this pun begin and ends. Point being, I love new and amazing food, but there are meals like the one pictured above that transcend the desire to try new things, to expand a palettes horizons, to support local and sustainable agri-practices. There are meals like the one above that olfactorily place one in sensory time and space removed from that of our fourth dimensional constructs. There are meals like the one above that remind us of our humble origins, our aspirations, and the unconditional love of our families (no matter how bat-shit crazy they drive you).



And there are the 3 1/2 to 4 lbs you gain in a mere 50 minutes eating them. Whoa nelly, stretched the elastic on that one.


Happy Turkey Day everyone.

Old Timey Photoshop Actions

I considered just throwing this picture online without explanation and let the internet masses drool over the Olde Timey look, but got to thinking, the nuances are clearly above my photoshop pay grade. SO, while I want to share how awesome this picture from Busan, Korea now looks using a Photoshop Action called, "Colored Vintage Photo", I thought it prudent to share the secret of it's creation.

In a nutshell: Photoshop Actions. They are essentially macros for those of us who find the word "action" new and unfamiliar. While scanning hordes of pictures down at the Seattle Municipal Archives, I've come to love photoshop actions. In the flick of a keystroke, I can arbitrarily rotate pictures 1 degree, 3 degree, clockwise, counter-clockwise, resize and save in .gif format. It saves me time, and allows for way more goofing off and scanning pictures at high resolution and stashing them on various servers for later access.

But after stumbling across this page of the best 70 free photoshop actions, I've come to appreciate them on a whole new level. All kinds of pretty effects, just click play, and watch your dinosaur computer's CPU churn through unimaginable amounts of mathematical and algorithmic calculations. Here they be:

70 Of The Best Photoshop Actions For Enhancing Photos | Creative Nerds

But with all this new eye candy, comes a troubling philosophical conundrum: Why are pictures that look old appealing? Could it be, that by looking old on the computer screen it suggests to us that the picture has been around for ages, and thus, is intriniscally important? Why else would a photograph remain intact, protected, even scanned, if it weren't worth saving? This is well and good so far, no problems yet. The strangeness, the philosophical loose ends, begin when these processes are applied to new pictures. Suddenly we feel that same interest in the picture - it appears old, a slice in time, worthy of preservation no matter what the subject matter be - yet it hasn't earned that badge of honor yet.

If I take a picture of my couch, early in the morning, the radio not yet on, the couch as quiet, cool, and inanimate as it could possibly be, it probably wouldn't be the most riveting photo. But apply this process, and bam! Suddenly you can't help wonder, "what went down on that couch? (no sexual innuendo intended)" "What famous people sat, discussed, ate there?" "What is the story behind this couch, that a picture of it has survived so long?"

Does it take away from the experience if in fact nothing spectacular has happened on said couch? Is the intrigue somehow lessened and cheapened, if that couch had just been found on the side of the road the previous night? Bad example, then you do wonder (read: worry) what happened on that couch. But hopefully the point is made. I don't know the answer, I just know pictures that undergo this process look awesome.

Insadong, Seoul, Korea, Earth